


Letters

by LadyoftheWoods



Series: Regret [2]
Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Suicide Notes, sympathetic everyone
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-22
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 05:47:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 928
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27148921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LadyoftheWoods/pseuds/LadyoftheWoods
Summary: What was in each of the notes Janus left for the others?
Series: Regret [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1981735
Comments: 5
Kudos: 78





	1. Virgil

**Author's Note:**

  * For [kenapiece](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kenapiece/gifts).



> This idea popped into my head, so i just had to write them all out.

Dear Virgil 

I have so much hope that you will be doing better soon. I write this letter to you with all the regret I can find inside myself. I am so, so sorry for everything I did to you. Worst of all trying to keep a part of you alive that you wished to forget. I never meant to hold you back. I never wanted to stifle you, and I realize now that holding on so tight only drove you away faster and further. It was selfish of me, I suppose, though that is my very nature. I should have realized you’d need your own space. I should have given it to you. Maybe then I wouldn’t have lost you. It broke my heart, watching you leave, watching you hate me, even though I deserved it, and I knew it. It made me bitter, and that bitterness rained back down on you, only continuing this pointless cycle of hatred and guilt.  
I should have done better. I should have been better, for you. It breaks me that I wasn’t. That I never was, what you needed. I’m sorry.  
I love you, Virgil. I always have. You’re my little rain cloud, after all, and I’m so proud of everything you’ve made for yourself. I know I can’t be a part of it, which is why I’m writing this letter. Of course, by the time you read it you won’t even know who I am, so I suppose there’s really no point to it, other than to say this:  
I’m sorry. 

Sincerely

Love, 

Janus.


	2. Patton

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Patton's letter.

Dear Patton

I know we disagree on almost everything, but ultimately, I have always wanted the same thing as you. For Thomas to be a good, happy, productive person. For him to live his life maybe not perfectly, perfection is an impossible standard, but to at least live it well. I have tried, I really have, to help further this goal, but I fear in my attempts I have simply complicated and made everything worse. I should never have revealed myself. I should never have gotten involved. I should have left it up to you, to decide who Thomas should be.   
So, I am. I know you’ll take good care of him. You always do, once you’ve decided they’re yours. Please remember that your own happiness is important too, and it wouldn’t be amiss to take a break, every once in a while.   
You won’t see me again. I’m sure you’re grateful for it. I’ve lectured long enough, so I’ll leave it at this. 

Goodbye,   
Janus


	3. Logan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Logan's letter

Dear Logan

I’m sorry.   
Except for Virgil, you are the one I have hurt the most. I have silenced you and shunned you and overpowered you at every turn, even though in most cases, had I tried harder to actually work with the group instead of against it, we probably would have been allies, maybe even friends. But you can’t teach an old dog new tricks, and I was never one to learn a lesson after the first failure.   
You are the most valuable one there. Remember that. Everyone else gets caught up in their feelings, their ideas, their fears. You are the one who can bring everyone back down to reality, keep everyone safe and from going too far. Don’t let anyone silence you again. Be loud, if you need to, scream, if you need to, to get your voice heard.   
And it is ok to let yourself feel. I know it’s scary, but feelings, too, are a kind of logic, and I know you’ve always been fond of puzzles. 

Keep fighting for yourself

Janus


	4. Roman and Remus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The twin's letter

My dear Roman and Remus

I don’t know what to say to the two of you. I wish things had been different. I wish we hadn’t separated you. I wish you had truly grown up as brothers together. It is one of my great regrets, and I wonder so often what could have been, if only I hadn’t been so afraid of that same question. My only solace is that you’re together now, just as it always should have been.   
I love you both. I know it doesn’t seem like it, Roman, but I do love you both. You’re both so passionate and excitable and exuberant, and sometimes the only thing that made me feel alive was you, Remus.   
Roman. I hurt you. I was wrong, to do what I did at the trial, and I’m sorry, I’m so desperately sorry. I keep making the same mistakes, and it seems I never learn, but I need you to know this: I meant every word of flattery I bestowed upon you. You are brilliant and smart and original and wonderful. You’ll do so well, you’re doing so well.   
Remus. Take care of your brother. He’s more fragile than he likes to admit, and works himself half to death, if no one steps in to stop him. But you know that, you’ve been taking care of him for years now, even if he hasn’t realized that’s the true purpose of your random pop ins and starting fights. That, and the chaos, I suppose. Don’t ever give up that wildness for something tamer.   
I wish I’d be here, to see what you build together. I know it will be marvelous. I know it will be beautiful. I know it will be imperfect, because nothing ever is truly perfect, and those flaws only make the both of you more beautiful, supporting each other’s weaknesses while empowering your strengths. 

I have to go now. I love you. 

Janus


End file.
